Are You THAT Friend?
Ya know. The friend that you cringe every time you see their name on your caller ID.
You think, “What’s wrong now?”
“How long will she keep me on the phone for?”
“Maybe I’ll just ignore the call.”
Of course you’re not THAT friend.
But what if you are and you don’t know it?
IS IT ME?
There were times in my life where I’ve turned to people I loved for help, guidance, support.
But it came in the guise of me complaining and them .. errr… hmm… hopefully listening.
There are also people in my life who I’ve consistently blabbed to when I was down. Then it became a habit.
It’s not a good habit.
I really hate admitting this. But I think I have definitely been that friend and in some cases.. maybe I still am?
A brilliant coach of mine once said, “Share, do NOT bond over misery. It creates a friendship built on the wrong energy.”
If I’m doing that with my friends, then how am I treating myself? My business?
It all reflects back upon ourselves.
THE ‘THAT’ FRIEND QUIZ
- Start off conversations with: “You’re not gonna believe what happened this time…” and then go in to your latest tale of woe?
- Forget to ask the other person how they’re doing or ask them why they called because you’re so busy dumping?
- Get annoyed when good things happen to your best pals?
If you answered “yes” to any of those… you might be THAT friend.
But I’m not here to beat you up and give you another tale of woe to add to your list.
I’m here to remind you… you can change. Right now.
Change up the rules.
Change the expectations.
Rather than going into some bullshit fake smiley place, simply choose to ask about the other person.
When they ask how you are, no matter what crazy shit is going in your life, no matter how many times your car broke down or how little sleep you got due to the stress in your life… tell them that you’re fantastic.
If you feel like that’s a complete and utter lie.. then say something like.. “I’m doing well. I could use a little more _____ (clarity, peacefulness, abundance… etc.) .. but I’m doing well.”
Then once again, flip it back to them. “I want to hear about you. What’s been going on with you?” And LISTEN to their answer. Give them space to respond.
Watch the friendship grow more beautiful, strong and wonderful.
Change doesn’t have to be a big thing. Not at all.
The other day, my shoulder was hurting me and Bam, my husband pointed out that by simply imagining my shoulder blades sinking into my back pockets it would shift my posture and help me to heal my shoulder. I sat up taller and moved my shoulder blades about 1 inch.
Dayyum. If it didn’t make a difference in like five minutes!
Often the tiniest shifts bring an ongoing awareness of other areas that you can switch up a little and before you know it, that big change you wanted? You did it.
But the secret is you did it in tiny, unnoticeable increments.
So … what about changing out of being THAT friend?
Change #1: Listen to what you say on the phone to your friends. Become mindful of your automatic conversations, complaints, etc.
Change #2: Listen to what you say to yourself when shit happens. Because shit does happen. It’s how you respond that determines your future.
Change #3: No matter what, none of us are perfect. Let go of being the perfect friend. Let go of them being your perfect friend.
Give your friendships more love and watch what happens in other areas of your life. I swear it’s magic.
Leave me a comment and let me know how you’re growing your awareness around your relationships, your self-talk, your business. 🙂