Today’s a weird day.

It’s the first day of my course Make Epic Shit Happen – MESH and that makes me really happy.

It’s also the day we announced that we’re going out as Vixen in honor of our dear friend, the guitarist and founder of Vixen, Jan.

I just hung up the phone with Janet Gardner, the singer for Vixen and she said exactly what was in my heart.

band-vixen-smile“Ya know. I just can’t believe we’re never gonna see Jan again. Like never.”

Of course, we all know what death means. But having been in a band together… and constantly seeing photos of the band online.. it just becomes surreal.



I woke up this morning deep in a dream that I’ve had several times since she died… where we were playing together again. 

Having worked out ALL the details of our long awaited reunion only to be sidelined with the dreaded C…. it’s all weird.

In search of gratitude… I’m gonna say this…

I’m smiling and crying.


Smiling because I know in my heart… that this is the right thing to do.

Crying because I miss Jan and will miss being on stage with her.


Grateful for the fans who have graciously opened their arms and accepted our announcement with the energy it was intended. To HONOR her. To carry on a legacy that we worked our asses off to establish. To continue to feel close to her as much as we can and to play those songs that we played over a thousand times (probably 2000?) on stages all over the world.

Nobody but us four knows what we went through on those endless tours. I’m not saying it was brutal.. hardly! It was WONDERFUL! 

But there was a lot of ups and downs and I think it’s safe to say… in many ways, Janet, Jan, Roxy and I grew up together as only a band can do when you’re in the spotlight and dealing with bizarre situations together.


So I’m writing this to get it out.
To share it.
To give this intensity a place to e x p a n d.
To honor the love, the talent, the beauty and the soul of someone I miss every single day.

I haven’t been able to write anything about her up until now. It’s just been too painful.



But now … with the announcement of us being Vixen again … it feels like she is with me in spirit. With us.

And that is why I’m smiling and crying.